Home - Chuck Starnes - Relationship Coach

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Welcome!

Are you feeling stuck in your marriage? Having trouble communicating? Fighting over money issues? Frustrated in a sexless marriage? In conflict over differing parenting styles? I’m a relationship coach with over 25 years of experience and here are some of the best ways I can help:

A Couples Online Course that will help you build the marriage of your dreams.
Couples Coaching sessions on Zoom where I spend time with you personally and help you resolve conflict and rekindle romance in your relationship.
Weekly Blogposts that tell inspiring stories of couples just like you and how they are using powerful relationship tools to transform their marriages.

As a relationship coach...

I use Imago Relationship Therapy tools to help couples reconnect, rekindle, and re-envision their relationship as a partnership for mutual healing and growth. My office is in the heart of Silicon Valley (San Jose, CA USA), but I do a lot of coaching on Zoom. So wherever you are, I’d love to connect with you.

A good place to start is to subscribe to my weekly blog.

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When you subscribe, I’ll send you a powerful communication tool that will help you and your partner learn to turn your conflicts into a closer connection with each other.

Scroll down to see some of the topics covered in my weekly posts.

Search the archives below for immediate help for your relationship!

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Search the archives below for immediate help for your relationship!

Marriage Communication

Feeling stuck? Get back on track to your dream marriage

Most couples begin their journey with a dream of marital bliss. But somewhere within the first two years after saying “I do”, many get stuck

July 9, 2020 No Comments

Parenting

When marriage conflicts do damage to your children

When Mark and Jennifer had a breakthrough in their marriage relationship, their joy was mixed with all kinds of regrets. Mark said, “Why couldn’t we

May 28, 2020 No Comments

Mutual Purpose in Marriage

Marriage works best when you begin with the end in mind

Sandy and I floundered in our relationship for many years simply because we did not “begin with the end in mind”. We lacked a shared

May 21, 2020 2 Comments

confronting fear of intimacy in marriage

Childhood Defenses

Confronting the fear of intimacy that causes marriage problems

The COVID-19 crisis is forcing us as married couples to be together more than usual. Have you noticed how marriage problems you’ve avoided in the

April 1, 2020 No Comments

Marriage Communication

Coronavirus forcing you to work from home? Use the crisis to strengthen your marriage

“I’m going crazy working from home!” Tom said, sharing his frustration with the shelter in place mandate. His wife Janet retorted, “Well you’re making me

March 17, 2020 4 Comments

Anger and Abuse

How is it possible for married partners to treat each other so badly?

Most marriages start with the wonderful feelings of romance but soon descend into a power struggle that can be brutal. That’s when we say things

March 10, 2020 No Comments

Romance

How to fall in love all over again with your marriage partner

Sophia and Ian struggled for 11 years trying to make their marriage work. Despite their unhappiness and not feeling in love, they were committed to

February 20, 2020 2 Comments

Marriage Finances

Resolving the conflict over money in your marriage

John said Martha is “a tightwad”. And Martha called John “a spendthrift”. Can you relate to this married couple? Which one is right? The answer

February 11, 2020 No Comments

Childhood Defenses

3 steps to healing the childhood wounds affecting your marriage

Does your partner’s controlling behavior open up old wounds of feeling smothered by a controlling parent? Or does your partner’s emotional withdrawal trigger wounds of

December 11, 2019 2 Comments

Marriage Communication

Frustrations wrecking your marriage? Here’s what to do!

Relationship science tells us that frustrations in your marriage that are recurring and that trigger an intense emotional reaction, come from your past, not your

December 4, 2019 No Comments

Sex Life

VIDEO BLOG: The L.O.V.E. formula for revitalizing your sex life

Ron said, “I don’t want to be in a marriage where we never have sex!” Amy responded, “Well, I don’t want to be in a marriage where

October 28, 2019 No Comments

Marriage Communication

VIDEO BLOG: How being “too nice” is bad for your marriage and what to do about it.

If you are being nice in order to “keep the peace” in your marriage, that probably means you’re not talking about what you’re really feeling

October 21, 2019 No Comments

Romance

4 hacks to reignite passion, love, and happiness in your marriage

Have you lost the feelings of love you once had? Are you longing for more passion in your marriage? Are you ready to call it

October 4, 2019 No Comments

Marriage Communication

VIDEO BLOG: Breaking out of the cycle of blaming and defensiveness in your marriage

Some marriages get stuck in a brutal cycle of blaming and defensiveness. Blaming and defensiveness happens because of “symbiosis”, a state of living together as

September 23, 2019 2 Comments

turning-marriage-conflicts-into-healing-and-growth

Healing and Growth in Marriage

VIDEO BLOG: How to turn marriage conflicts into healing and growth opportunities

Most of us see conflicts in our marriage as bad. But did you know that conflicts can bring us to new levels of healing and

September 17, 2019 2 Comments

Marriage Communication

VIDEO BLOG: Marriage communication that leads to connection

Couples often say they have “communication” problems. In the video below, Rob and Janet show us how to communicate in a way that dissolves all

September 10, 2019 No Comments

Marriage Communication

Does your partner want to leave you? Here are 9 things you can do to save your marriage

For years, Mary pleaded with Jim to work on their marriage, but Jim felt they didn’t need help. Eventually she gave up and made plans

July 26, 2019 No Comments

Anxiety and Depression

3 ways to help your partner overcome anxiety and depression that’s killing your marriage

Mike’s anxiety and depression got so bad he finally hit a wall. Having almost lost his marriage, he can now barely even function at work.

July 19, 2019 No Comments

Sex Life

Four steps to revitalizing your sex life

Ron and Amy were in a sexless marriage. Their sex life was almost non-existent. A marriage is considered “sexless” if a couple is only having

July 4, 2019 No Comments

Photo by Victoria Borodinova from Pexels

Parenting

How to become a great parenting team with your marriage partner

“Why is it that you get to be the Sugar Daddy, and I always have to be the ‘bad cop’, party pooper disciplinarian with the

June 26, 2019 No Comments

Marriage Communication

Is it marriage incompatibility…or do your differences have a deeper meaning?

Like many couples, you may be asking… “How did I marry the most incompatible person on the planet?” “Why could I not see who this

May 15, 2019 1 Comment

Childhood Defenses

Is self-rejection causing problems in your marriage? It’s more common than you think

Sam and Anna were not happy in their marriage. One big reason was that self-rejection was blocking Anna’s ability to receive love from Sam. “No

May 10, 2019 No Comments

Anger and Abuse

How one husband transformed his marriage from a storm of conflict into a refuge of healing!

Debbie said she had only one problem in her marriage! It was her husband, Will! “Our counselor told us Will has to work on himself

May 3, 2019 2 Comments

Marriage Infidelity

Help! My husband is a porn addict!

When Jenny discovered her husband Tom was visiting porn sites on the internet, trust was broken, and their relationship was suddenly on the rocks. That’s

April 23, 2019 1 Comment

Marriage Communication

How to resolve marriage conflicts when one partner is “too logical” and the other “too emotional”

Jim and Patty’s marriage was in conflict. Jim was a logical, “black and white” kind of thinker while his wife Patty was more sensitive to

April 16, 2019 No Comments

Healing and Growth in Marriage

Why did I marry the most incompatible person on the planet?

If you’re thinking of divorce on the grounds of incompatibility, STOP and think again! Incompatibility is the grounds for a great relationship. Compatibility is actually

April 11, 2019 2 Comments

Marriage Communication

How to have the kind of marriage communication that leads to closer connection

Experts cite communication problems as the number one reason marriages fail. But good communication in marriage is not enough, unless that communication leads you to a

April 5, 2019 No Comments

Childhood Defenses

What you may not know about the childhood wounds affecting your marriage

When I suggest that a marriage conflict may stem from a childhood wound, some marriage partners protest. “Wounds from childhood? Not me. My parents were

March 21, 2019 No Comments

Marriage Communication

5 things most people don’t know about emotional connection in marriage

We know emotional connection is important in marriage, but why? Here are five powerful benefits of emotional connection with your partner that you may not

March 15, 2019 4 Comments

Healing and Growth in Marriage

Want to live “happily ever after” in your marriage? Here’s something even better!

Peter and Kathy had an amazing marriage breakthrough! But after a few months they found themselves stuck again in the same vicious cycle of blaming

March 8, 2019 No Comments

Mutual Purpose in Marriage

Heal your marriage and you heal the world!

Brent and Jewels Niccum went from being employees in a large corporation to being owners of a multinational company overnight! But despite their success in

March 1, 2019 2 Comments

Marriage Communication

Build your dream marriage part 7: Learn to be honest rather than “nice”

Is it possible to be “too nice” in a relationship? Jennifer said, “I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells with my husband, Tom. Often

February 19, 2019 2 Comments

Anger and Abuse

Build your dream marriage part 6: Rid your relationship of “invisible abuse”

Did you know that most marriage partners regularly abuse each other? And they do it without even realizing it. What?! That’s right. There is an

February 15, 2019 4 Comments

Marriage Communication

Build your dream marriage part 5: Break out of the prison of self-absorption

So, you fell madly in love, and you were certain that “this is the one!” Right? But soon after you were married, “romantic love” faded,

February 7, 2019 2 Comments

Healing and Growth in Marriage

Build your dream marriage part 4: Be willing to grow into more of who you really are

Marriage is the best place for you to grow in ways you never would otherwise. It’s where you can, not only discover, but to also

January 31, 2019 4 Comments

Childhood Defenses

Build your dream marriage part 3: Understand how your childhood affects your relationship

If we are going to build our dream marriage we must understand the effect our childhood has on our relationship. Most couples describe their dream

January 23, 2019 No Comments

Healing and Growth in Marriage

Build your dream marriage part 2: Turn conflicts into healing and growth opportunities

We’ve been programmed to believe that conflicts in marriage are bad! That’s NOT true!! Conflicts in marriage can bring us to new levels of healing

January 17, 2019 2 Comments

Marriage Communication

Build your dream marriage part 1: Reconnect your disconnected relationship

Has your dream marriage turned into a nightmare? Are you facing the future with a hopeless feeling that nothing in your relationship will change? When

January 8, 2019 No Comments

Marriage Communication

Turning marriage conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection

When Dennis and Marsha came to see me, their negativity toward each other was off the charts! Here are some steps they took to turn

December 12, 2018 2 Comments

Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels

Parenting

Is criticism wrecking your marriage and hurting your children? Here’s what to do!

Here’s how to stop the criticism and begin modeling a healthy marriage for your children. The first step is to… 1. Regulate your own reaction

December 6, 2018 No Comments

Marriage Communication

Dealing with the silent killer of your marriage relationship

Everyone said Stacey and Eric’s relationship was the perfect match. Their story shows how a silent killer called the “Still Face” almost ended their marriage.

November 30, 2018 No Comments

Romance

Romantic love fades away but romance never has to end!

Romance is a choice we can make every day! As a couple you can influence the way you feel about each other by reconstructing the

November 20, 2018 No Comments

Marriage Communication

Why the best relationship tools to improve your marriage don’t work

My business is finding marriage tools that work! So why, after so many years, do these tools not work for some people? Well, the answer

November 16, 2018 2 Comments

Marriage Communication

How to stop overreacting and start reconnecting in my marriage

When we overreact to something our partner says or does, we kill any chance of connecting with them. The logic goes like this: The connection

November 10, 2018 6 Comments

Marriage Communication

How to resolve every single frustration in your marriage

It’s true! You can resolve every single frustration you have in your marriage…if you understand this one important reality: Behind every frustration is a wish.

November 2, 2018 8 Comments

Photo by Luiz Gustavo Miertschink from Pexels reduced

Marriage Communication

Don’t settle for an “OK” marriage”! Ask for what you need!

So many couples are staying together in an unhappy marriage. When you ask how they’re doing, they’ll say, “OK”. That’s code for “I’ve settled”. In

October 26, 2018 No Comments

Marriage Communication

How being a good listener can radically improve your marriage

Talking is only one part of the communication process in marriage. Real communication happens when we listen too. Duh? Really? I kind of knew that.

October 19, 2018 No Comments

Marriage Communication

Unleashing the transforming power of gratitude in your marriage

Gratitude will transform your marriage! And here’s a powerful tool that can make that happen! Believe it or not, one drop of negativity pollutes the

October 12, 2018 4 Comments

Photo-by-Odonata-Wellnesscenter-from-Pexels

Marriage Communication

How to break the cycle of blaming and defensiveness in your marriage

Is your marriage stuck in a vicious cycle of blaming and defensiveness? Here’s why that happens, and what to do about it. Marriages get stuck

October 4, 2018 2 Comments

Photo-by-Juan-Pablo-Serrano-Arenas-from-Pexels

Marriage Communication

How can I stop being so reactive in my marriage relationship?

Is your marriage relationship being sabotaged by outbursts of anger and overreaction? Does your own reaction drive you to pull away from your partner, causing

September 28, 2018 3 Comments

Marriage Communication

The Art of Caring Confrontation

What happens to my marriage if I choose to be “nice” rather than honest? …if I go “silent” rather than confront an issue head on?

September 21, 2018 4 Comments

Romance

What to do when your marriage partner keeps “leaving the relationship”

I’m not talking about moving out. I’m talking about taking seemingly innocent “exits” that rob your relationship. “Exits” are places where you go to get

September 13, 2018 4 Comments

Marriage Communication

You won’t solve your marriage problem by talking about the problem! Here’s why

If you find yourself arguing about the same things over and over again you’re probably not focused on what you really need to be talking

September 7, 2018 No Comments

Mutual Purpose in Marriage

Hindsight is 20/20! What I wish I’d known 38 years ago about mutual purpose

Marriage is supposed to be two people becoming one. Right? Two people striving for “mutual purpose” in their life together. But for us it was

August 31, 2018 6 Comments

Anger and Abuse

How a husband’s destructive anger was transformed into passionate love

“My husband’s destructive anger is wrecking our family! I can’t deal with his abuse any longer!” Tears filled Gina’s eyes as she explained what her

August 23, 2018 4 Comments

Childhood Defenses

What do I do when my husband is avoiding conflict?

I was that husband avoiding conflict! Here are three powerful insights that helped me stop avoiding conflict, and start engaging in a way that led

August 16, 2018 4 Comments

Childhood Defenses

Our marriage fights began on the honeymoon! Is there any hope for us?

This was our story! But we learned that with the right skills you can turn a marriage with conflicts into a relationship with a deeper

August 10, 2018 4 Comments

Photo-by-Luis-Fernandes-from-Pexels-reduced

Marriage Infidelity

How can my marriage survive an affair?

Does an affair mean the end of my relationship? Betrayal runs deep. Can I ever recover from this infidelity? Here are five steps that I’ve

August 3, 2018 4 Comments

Marriage Communication

What if my husband is unwilling to work on our marriage?

Every marriage needs work. But what happens when a relationship goes flat and one partner is not willing to work on it? Is there hope

July 27, 2018 12 Comments

Healing and Growth in Marriage

Why incompatibility is the basis for a great marriage

Marriage incompatibility can be transformed into an intimate partnership for healing and growth! Ever feel like you’re married to the most incompatible person on the

July 20, 2018 No Comments

Romance

Need a marriage resurrection? How to go from “flatlined” to “fully-alive”

Wendy and Tom’s relationship was as passionate as it gets. At least it started out that way. When they were dating, they were crazy in

July 13, 2018 2 Comments

Childhood Defenses

What to do when childhood defenses sabotage your relationship

Couples fight for one fundamental reason: they bring their childhood defenses into their relationship. The way you learned to adapt and survive in childhood can

July 5, 2018 No Comments

Sex Life

Feel trapped in a sexless marriage? Here’s how to change that!

Subscribe below to receive my weekly post that will come to your email inbox every Saturday morning! My goal is to provide free relationship tools and

June 29, 2018 2 Comments

Marriage Communication

4 warning signs your marriage is in trouble (and what to do about it)

Perplexed about problems in your marriage? Looking for solutions? “I didn’t know we had marriage troubles, but then, without any warning, she left!” “I felt a

June 22, 2018 8 Comments