Safe conversations in an unsafe world

Troubled by what’s going on in our world? Wondering what you can do in response to all the social and political turmoil? 

Safe Conversations skills that have changed your marriage can also change your world.

Even if you feel like there is nothing you can do about where our country is headed, Safe Conversations can greatly impact your world and ultimately impact the world.  

How did we get to this place? How is it possible that we find ourselves able to dish out such emotional abuse toward fellow members of the human race? 

On the surface it makes no sense. But when we see what’s happening to us unconsciously as a nation, it makes perfect sense.

Our democracy is based on the fact that we all bring different views to the table. That’s a given.

So what happened? 


The wonderful process of co-creation and mutual purpose has broken  down and has resulted in the polarization that we are experiencing today.

When we can’t resolve normal conflicts, we get stuck in a self-absorbed state so that whenever we encounter someone who holds a different view, we are literally traumatized. That’s when we become reactive and go further into that self-absorbed state. 

Soon it no longer feels safe to engage with that person on the other side of the aisle.

What happens if we let this polarization continue? 


We lose empathy for each other. We are no longer in touch with what the other person is experiencing or feeling.

Objectification means that the other person has effectively been degraded to the status of a mere object. And here’s the tragedy of that:

When people become objects, we can treat them any way we want.

We can criticize them, we can label them, we can berate them, we can abuse them. 

We can do anything to them we feel like, because they are no longer human. They are just things that serve us. And they become objects of our frustration.

Tragically this is what seems to have happened in our nation today. And the whole world is watching us.

So what can we do? 


The Safe Conversations Dialogue is a tool that can help you restore empathy and begin to come back together with people who see things differently.

Here’s how the three steps of the Safe Conversations Dialogue can help.

When you MIRROR another person’s thoughts and  feelings, you begin to see who that person really is. That person feels honored that you would listen and see them. As a result they will tend to feel more open to you and your perspective.


When you VALIDATE this person’s thoughts and feelings, you begin to see how they make sense from their perspective. Validation is not agreeing with this person, but it’s seeing how their perspective makes sense according to their own inner logic. Validation results in differentiation and neutralizes the trauma so that polarization does not have to occur. Again when you validate someone they will tend to feel more open to you and your perspective.


When you EMPATHIZE with another person’s feelings, healing occurs and safety is restored. You can then see that person as human and not as an object, and connection, and dialogue, and even mutual purpose is possible. We now know it’s impossible to criticize someone you are empathetic with.

Go one way with one person talking and the other person listening. Then reverse roles and do it again….and again…and again!

I know you can’t stop and have a deep dialogue with every person you engage with. But you can apply these principles in every conversation you have. And if you do, I’m convinced that you’ll see dramatic results in terms of safety, connection, creative solutions, and ultimately healing in your relational world. 

If you’d like more help click here for more information and to enroll in Safe Conversations Workshop I’ll be co-hosting on Zoom Sat. Jan. 30, 2021.

Let’s be courageous and do our part to bring peace to our troubled and polarized world!

What if we could see the divorce rate drop to 10% in 10 years?

With 35-40% of all marriages ending in divorce, and only 10% report having a truly fulfilling relationship, is there a way to reverse this dismal trend?

I’m convinced there is.

My wife Sandy and I  have a dream that over the next 10 years these numbers will be reversed. 

Our vision is to see the divorce rate drop to 10% and to see 90% of all couples engaged in a partnership of mutual healing, growth and positive impact in their world.

We’re not alone in this. We believe this can happen through a growing movement of educational efforts called Safe Conversations that we are a part of. (Let me invite you to click on that link and register for one of my upcoming online Safe Conversations Workshops.)

Also, many of the couples we are helping are energized to share their stories with others, as they have discovered the secret to a truly fulfilling relationship in marriage.

Will you help us by doing your part? Here are some steps to take.

1. Work on your own marriage.

And let me help you. I have a six-week Couples Online Course and a six-week Couples Coaching program that can help you make a good marriage even better. Click on those links for more info.

We cannot give away what we don’t have. 

You can’t be excited about encouraging other marriages if your own relationship is unstable. 

On the other hand, if you are building a stable, secure and safe relationship that empowers you to fulfill your destiny together, then it’s easy believe this could happen to millions of other couples! 

And this would drastically reduce the divorce rate.

Many of my client couples have a good marriage they want to make better.  So no matter where you are in your relationship it’s important keep growing.  Let me help!

2. Encourage other marriages.

Couples everywhere are starving for hope that they can have a satisfying relationship in marriage. By sharing your hope with them, you will be a significant part of what we believe is a worldwide movement.

Also please refer these couples to my Couples Online Course or Couples Coaching program where they can find tools to help get them unstuck and on their way toward a satisfying relationship.  

3. Educate the next generation.

Help us get the message of Safe Conversations into every school and university. Help us spread the word that conflict is not only normal in marriage, it’s also a clear sign you married the right person. 

And every conflict represents something new that is wanting to emerge in your relationship – a new area of healing and growth that wasn’t there before.

Unfortunately, in our culture, love is often portrayed as romantic love only, and it conflict is seen as a bad thing. 

Help us change the culture in a way that changes the world!

Do you know what will happen if the divorce rate drops dramatically? 

We’ll also see a drop in every other social ill!


Yes, because…

The marriage relationship is the upstream source for everything that happens in society downstream.

Imagine the statistics of crime, violence and poverty dropping dramatically. 

Imagine the increase in creativity, productivity and financial health of our nation. 

Foundational to all this is the healing of marriages. So join with us and let’s all do our part!

Thanks so much for your friendship and partnership to bring healing to our hurting world.

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